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I close my eyes and pictured myself with my father in a boat in the middle of blue lake. I could feel the balmy wind across my face and hear nature singing all around us. It was a day made for fishing, with nothing to hurry us. I held my pole over the water, waiting for the perfect catch as my father and I chattered about sports. Finally something tugged at my line. With my father's help, I pulled a fish from the water. When I looked up, I saw my father beaming with pride at me. I couldn't stop the smile from spreading over my face.
Suddenly, someone knocked into me, jolting me from my thoughts. I pulled my eyes open and saw the familiar crowds passing me by at school. Drawing in a deep breath, I pushed myself from the wall and made my way to class. But the sweet memory of the daydream lingered in my mind.
Never Fitting In
My only real memories of my father were of him beating my mother. He left when I was three, and my mother had to start working two jobs to make ends meet. I'd never known what it was like to have a father figure in my life.
I'd grown up the fat kid, never getting picked for any teams. I never had anyone teach me how to throw a football or catch a baseball. I never felt like I fit in.
By the time I was twelve I felt so worthless I didn't think there was a reason for me to be alive. I was tired of hurting. I wanted the pain to go away. Ending my life seemed a good option. Then I wouldn't have to endure what my life had become.
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. With time, I found a group of people I fit in with. We were all misfits who joined together, needing acceptance. We found it in drugs, alcohol, and getting in trouble with the law. We figured if we didn't fit in with the cool kids, we'd see how bad we could be.
Desperate for Drugs
By fourteen, I tried my first line of cocaine. By fifteen or sixteen, I was selling drugs. By eighteen, I'd been in and out of jail. By twenty, I was a felon.
I went to jail, but go out in six months. Back at home, my cocaine addiction just got more and more out of control. Before I knew it, I had a four hundred-to five hundred-dollar-a-day habit. I smoked it, snorted it, and popped pills. I also drank heavily, doing anything to numb the pain.
I became so desperate for drugs I even stole from my mom. It broke her heart. She worked so hard to give us things. She wanted so desperately to help me. A few years before, she'd starting going to church and had given her life to Jesus. She'd tried numerous times to get me to go to church, and she told me that God could change my life. I told her there was no God. I didn't want to hear the truth.
As guild pounded at me, I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of someone I hated.
Man, you are worthless. Absolutely worth nothing at all.
People have told you that, and that's who you are. You're a drug addict. You stole from your own mom,
you loser.
Plans to Die
That's when I decided to take my life. I got enough cocaine to stop my heart and decided that this time there was no going back.
The plan was that I'd OD while my mom was at work. My brother would come home and find me dead. My body would be gone before my mother ever made it home.
I did the cocaine and my heart began beating faster and faster. The end was in sight, and I didn't care. That's how much I hated myself.
Then the door opened. My mother! She'd come home early. The last thing I wanted was for her to see this. But things were already in motion. I couldn't reverse time.
More Powerful than Addiction
I dropped my knees as the drugs took over my body. My life began to slip away. My mother screamed and cried out to God to save my life. Miraculously, an ambulance arrived.
As the paramedics tried to save my life, I felt this unexplainable power. I knew I was experiencing God. I can't explain it, but I just knew Jesus Christ was alive. I knew he was seated at the right hand of the Father.
Suddenly I didn't want to die.
"Jesus, save me," I cried out.
And I meant it. I decided I wasn't going back.
God is so much more powerful than any addiction
-----------------------
It hasn't always been smooth sailing since I gave my life to Jesus. The bottom line is that I have to fight.
Drug addiction is a powerful thing. Cocaine was my life. It was everything to me. The devil loves that kind of addiction. It's powerful. But God is so much powerful than any addiction.
Crazy Enought to Believe
We served a powerful God, and I think if we ever truly get it down in our spirits how powerful our God is then we can overcome anything. When I read Philippians 4:13, I am just crazy enough to believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
It's like when dad says, "Son, on your birthday we're taking you to Chucky Cheese." If it's a little kid, he doesn't worry about how he's getting there or if his family has enough money. He just know that Daddy says he's going to Chucky Cheese on Friday, so he'll be there.
That's the treasure I have when I read that Scripture. It says you can do all things through Christ. When I read that verse, that is it. I don't worry about all the rest. I just know that Daddy said it. That is it, and that is enough for me.
When I accepted Christ, I felt for the first time in my life like I'd picked. For the first time I knew the love of a Father I'd longed for my entire life. Finally, I felt accepted--and knew I'd never go back to my old way of living.
-by Joseph Rojas of (Seventh Day Slumber)
Suddenly, someone knocked into me, jolting me from my thoughts. I pulled my eyes open and saw the familiar crowds passing me by at school. Drawing in a deep breath, I pushed myself from the wall and made my way to class. But the sweet memory of the daydream lingered in my mind.
Never Fitting In
My only real memories of my father were of him beating my mother. He left when I was three, and my mother had to start working two jobs to make ends meet. I'd never known what it was like to have a father figure in my life.
I'd grown up the fat kid, never getting picked for any teams. I never had anyone teach me how to throw a football or catch a baseball. I never felt like I fit in.
By the time I was twelve I felt so worthless I didn't think there was a reason for me to be alive. I was tired of hurting. I wanted the pain to go away. Ending my life seemed a good option. Then I wouldn't have to endure what my life had become.
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. With time, I found a group of people I fit in with. We were all misfits who joined together, needing acceptance. We found it in drugs, alcohol, and getting in trouble with the law. We figured if we didn't fit in with the cool kids, we'd see how bad we could be.
Desperate for Drugs
By fourteen, I tried my first line of cocaine. By fifteen or sixteen, I was selling drugs. By eighteen, I'd been in and out of jail. By twenty, I was a felon.
I went to jail, but go out in six months. Back at home, my cocaine addiction just got more and more out of control. Before I knew it, I had a four hundred-to five hundred-dollar-a-day habit. I smoked it, snorted it, and popped pills. I also drank heavily, doing anything to numb the pain.
I became so desperate for drugs I even stole from my mom. It broke her heart. She worked so hard to give us things. She wanted so desperately to help me. A few years before, she'd starting going to church and had given her life to Jesus. She'd tried numerous times to get me to go to church, and she told me that God could change my life. I told her there was no God. I didn't want to hear the truth.
As guild pounded at me, I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of someone I hated.
Man, you are worthless. Absolutely worth nothing at all.
People have told you that, and that's who you are. You're a drug addict. You stole from your own mom,
you loser.
Plans to Die
That's when I decided to take my life. I got enough cocaine to stop my heart and decided that this time there was no going back.
The plan was that I'd OD while my mom was at work. My brother would come home and find me dead. My body would be gone before my mother ever made it home.
I did the cocaine and my heart began beating faster and faster. The end was in sight, and I didn't care. That's how much I hated myself.
Then the door opened. My mother! She'd come home early. The last thing I wanted was for her to see this. But things were already in motion. I couldn't reverse time.
More Powerful than Addiction
I dropped my knees as the drugs took over my body. My life began to slip away. My mother screamed and cried out to God to save my life. Miraculously, an ambulance arrived.
As the paramedics tried to save my life, I felt this unexplainable power. I knew I was experiencing God. I can't explain it, but I just knew Jesus Christ was alive. I knew he was seated at the right hand of the Father.
Suddenly I didn't want to die.
"Jesus, save me," I cried out.
And I meant it. I decided I wasn't going back.
God is so much more powerful than any addiction
-----------------------
It hasn't always been smooth sailing since I gave my life to Jesus. The bottom line is that I have to fight.
Drug addiction is a powerful thing. Cocaine was my life. It was everything to me. The devil loves that kind of addiction. It's powerful. But God is so much powerful than any addiction.
Crazy Enought to Believe
We served a powerful God, and I think if we ever truly get it down in our spirits how powerful our God is then we can overcome anything. When I read Philippians 4:13, I am just crazy enough to believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
It's like when dad says, "Son, on your birthday we're taking you to Chucky Cheese." If it's a little kid, he doesn't worry about how he's getting there or if his family has enough money. He just know that Daddy says he's going to Chucky Cheese on Friday, so he'll be there.
That's the treasure I have when I read that Scripture. It says you can do all things through Christ. When I read that verse, that is it. I don't worry about all the rest. I just know that Daddy said it. That is it, and that is enough for me.
When I accepted Christ, I felt for the first time in my life like I'd picked. For the first time I knew the love of a Father I'd longed for my entire life. Finally, I felt accepted--and knew I'd never go back to my old way of living.
-by Joseph Rojas of (Seventh Day Slumber)
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